Yesterday I’m in the hardware store buying some tools to try and start a chainsaw that’s lain unused for two years. And I grab a couple of small screwdrivers because I can never find one and I realise there are certain fundamental items that – no matter how many you buy – are never there when you want one. I figure there’s some kind of quantum effect here. The universe will maintain a level of these items just below what’s needed and anything you buy that exceeds this level will spontaneously disappear. Tape measures. Staplers. Radiator bleed keys. There’s a research project there, somewhere.